Grains

The first order of business is grains. Growing up, and until the last couple of years, I held onto the old idea that grains should be the base of food pyramid. Each meal should be based in grains and anything else was just bonus nutrients. I thought that grains were the gold standard for nutritional value.
Then I started thinking about it. The government subsidies of grain production explain why the USDA endorsed them as the basis for nutrition. Grains are cheap, versatile, and are one of the easiest sources of energy (calories.) Hence, corn-fed beef is higher in fat and in Omega-6 fatty acids while grass-fed is leaner and higher in Omega-3 fatty acids (more on that later.)
I've started to realize that my whole basis for nutritional understanding has been entirely skewed.
So, now I'm trying to re-define what good nutrition means to me and my first step is removing grains from my regular rotation. I cannot say that a grain product will never cross my lips again, but I can make an effort to not eat them frequently.

starting the cleaning process

I want to clean up my eating. Actually, I've wanted to clean it up for about 4 years now. I've been in either a state of very slow improvement or steady decline for so long that I can't quite tell the difference. Perhaps I'm better off now than I would be if I hadn't been working on this for so long or perhaps I'm just not making any progress and in fact regressing little by little.
I have gone from not thinking about food 80% of the time to not thinking about it about 20% of the time, when I'm asleep, though I find that I dream about it, too.
These are my issues: I have some minor health problems like Hashimoto's which is an auto-immune thyroiditis that I take meds for. This is something that is not necessarily curable and generally progresses as one ages until the thyroid is entirely non-functional because the body has destroyed it. The only thing that really does help to stop the auto-immune reaction is changing one's eating habits. I also have some food sensitivities that rear their ugly, stinky heads occasionally, somewhat sporadically, and seemingly inconsistently.
I like to eat and create new and interesting foods, but I'm finding more and more that I can't handle food like I used to. For starters, with an auto-immune disease there are foods one should avoid - inflammatory foods - like grains, sugars, dairy, artificial crap - basically everything good and delicious. Ideally, I would eat a diet of whole foods, primarily vegetables, some meat, occasional fruit, the paleo way of life. But for whatever reason, when I attempt to implement simple guidelines, that I KNOW would benefit me greatly, I can't do it. I fight back (against myself) like I've been imprisoned and desperately need to break free immediately.
I'm nearly 30 and I feel like this, one of my most basic needs, MUST be met because it should be the easiest thing I can change for my own betterment and yet it is by far the most difficult.
As I said in the beginning, I have been working on this for 4 years, always thinking that I'm on the cusp of making that one change that will implement a total transformation in how I think about food, but never getting there. I've been looking for the event that will signify my time to change, the book that will alter my whole perception of life, the day when I will wake up and say "That's it! I'm done! I'm doing what's best for me because I want to and I know how to." But, sadly, those things have not yet happened. I still hope that they will, but I'm realizing that perhaps it's not an epiphany-type experience. Perhaps it's not a black and white moment. Perhaps it's not a turning away and never looking back decision.
Perhaps it is each moment for the last 4 years, strung together, zig-zagged up and down across the progress chart like a Missoni knit on crack, moving, at least, instead of stagnating. Perhaps it's having the courage (or not caring anymore) to put this "out there," publishing to the world of semi-anonymity that I DON'T have it all together, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I make stupid, unhealthy decisions everyday that I KNOW hurt me and I KNOW are not positive progress, but I continue to choose them over and over and over again because they taste good.
Perhaps it is all of these things, rolled up together and unrolling over time into what is perceived as life. But, each moment is a choice, each meal is a choice, each bite is a choice. I just need to accept that the only one responsible for those choices is me.

Unbelievably Low-Sugar Ice Cream

Over the past month I have been working hard at reducing my sugar intake because 70% of what I usually eat is sugar. I use stevia, which is an herb, to sweeten things. It's a different kind of sweetness than that of sugar and you have to use a good brand or else it can be terribly bitter. I use KAL stevia powder and I only use a pinch at a time. The best results that I have had are when I use stevia in addition to a greatly-reduced amount of sugar. For example, when I make banana bread the recipe calls for 1 1/4 cups sugar but I use about 1/3 cup of sugar and a couple of pinches of stevia. You really can't tell the difference.
So, I have developed a killer ice cream recipe for Berry Cheesecake ice cream. You can modify this in several different ways to make lots of different varieties, but basically, you don't have to have lots of sugar to have good ice cream.

Mixed Berry Cheesecake Ice Cream
(use any variety of fruit, frozen or fresh [frozen helps to speed up the freezing process of the ice cream])

1 pkg Cream Cheese, softened
1 cup ricotta (optional, if you can find a good, smooth brand, there's no reason not to use it)
1/2 t almond extract
1 t vanilla
2 T fruit-sweetened jam (you could use store-bought, homemade, or sugar, honey, or syrup if you're not making a fruit ice cream)
stevia to taste (I'd start with a pinch and work up from there. I use about 3 pinches total.)
Beat until smooth
2 eggs (use farm eggs unless you want salmonella)
Beat until smooth
2 cups cream
Beat until smooth
(I would taste it to make sure it's sweet enough, you could always add more stevia at this point, though the fruit will make it a little sweeter, too.)

Let it chill in the fridge for a while and then process it in your ice cream maker like any other kind. I add the frozen berries after a couple minutes of processing, but you could probably add them at any time.

The finished product is delicious and not lacking in flavor at all. My kids and husband both loved it (in fact, it was dubbed 'the best ice cream to date') before I even revealed it's low-sugar status!
Enjoy!

There is a lesson that I find myself reiterating to my kids. It is "the only person you can control is yourself." I'm usually offering this as direction/consolement to my older daughter as she desperately tries to direct the little one to do her will. It's a sort of relief to know that you are only, truly responsible for controlling yourself. But, it also proves difficult when you realize just how hard it is to do so.

I have been taking early morning walks for about 5 weeks and it has become my favorite part of the day. It's a time when I can rest in the promise of at least 30 minutes of solitude. I take the opportunity to pray, reflect, and be at peace with my life and the upcoming day. In fact, I often repeat "I am, at peace" with the rhythm of my breath.

There is an area of my walk where I descend down a hill about 2 blocks then turn and ascend the other side. I have found that during the descent I inevitably start thinking negatively. I'm not sure why this is. I do think of this part of the walk as the darkest, but otherwise there is no negative connotations. But for the past 5 days I have noticed that I will start to have negative, stressful thoughts. My breathing will tighten and when I pause my thinking to reconnect with my breathing, I see that I am heading down hill, both literally and figuratively.

I realized today that much of these negative thoughts are based around my interactions with other people. Particularly, how I want these interactions to be different. As I was walking up this hill I realized that the only thing that I can really do is control the way that I feel. I can't make someone else act according to my sensitivities, but I can practice not being offended. I can't make someone else not talk about things that bother me, but I can work on being supportive and moving the conversation along. I can't control anyone except myself. It's not easy and it's not comfortable to go into life knowing that little or no control over anything besides the way you think, feel, and most importantly, respond. But this is a goal - to be more aware of my own reactions and feeling and strive to control those instead of avoiding situations that I am uncomfortable in.

Before and After

Remember? This is what our basement room used to look like.

Dark, crappy, cold (but you wouldn't be able to tell by what the kids wear.)

This is where Jake first started tearing out the old gas fireplace.


Then.... 3 weeks of hard labor and little sleep turned into THIS!

Here's a closer view of the ceiling and lighting.

Now we have a warm, cozy, comfy place to hang out.

Today was my second day of work as a jeweler's apprentice. I like the idea of being an apprentice - I get paid to learn. My boss (master?) is very trusting in my abilities. I have 4 jobs that I am working on right now. One is to make a pair of heart earrings out of gold. I learned how to roll gold, through a big pasta machine type press, then I cut it with a saw frame, file it, and polish it. Today I worked on making an ingot of gold into a wire via lots and lots of rolling through the press. The press is powered by a large (manual) crank, so my crankin' arm may be a little sore tomorrow. The ingot started out about 2 inches long by 1/2 inch wide and 1/4 inch thick. The wire that I ended up with is about 5 feet long and about a 1mm thick square.
Tomorrow I get to melt gold and pour an ingot, pull the wire I made (which is currently square) into round wire, cut that wire into little rings and solder them together and onto my heart earrings, and probably lots more.
While I can't wait to get into work to see what I get to learn, it's really strange to be away from home for an entire day. I haven't not been at home for over 3 years, and never for 8 hours at a time. Luckily, I'm only working 3 days a week. I hope it becomes more comfortable, this is only the 2nd day.

Melissa,
These are the earrings that I have left, I think. I need to check to coffee shop to see if anything has been taken. This Friday there is a bazaar where I'm hoping to sell some. Let me know if you want any. I'll check to see if I have any others.
-Lil

The basement room is moving along pretty well. I'd post a picture, but I'm too embarrassed about the awful color of paint that I picked out. You see, our house was built in '66 and has certain aspects that reflect that period. So when you are redoing a basement room that previously had dark wood paneling and brown shag carpet and black-mortared brick with a useless gas log fireplace, you don't really need to go and paint it avocado green. In fact, I would say that that would be moving a step backwards. But it took me all day, after painting all of the walls to see if more avocado would be better than just a little, to decide that it was just too far in the wrong direction. Furthermore, the color I chose is just a few shades darker than the color that the concrete block under the paneling is painted. I think that it's a pretty clear sign that I should have chosen something different. So, tomorrow I am going to paint primer all over the green and go to Lowe's to find a new color.

We have started another home improvement project. Actually we have 3 that have sort of globbed together. First is the roof, then we are getting a wood stove for the basement (because we live in a split-level and it's always freezing in the basement), and since the stove is going into the family room downstairs, we're going to redo that as well.
As an aside: thankfully, I recently had my thyroid checked because I was constantly, unnecessarily tired. It tested low, my doctor prescribed low-does natural thyroid supplement, and I have crazy, wonderful amounts of energy! The kind I always thought that I should have! So, now I have been incredibly productive around the house, tackling numerous, massive projects -like these.
Right now the family room is covered in dark wood paneling with dropped ceilings. Ideally, we would totally re-drywall the entire thing, ceiling and all, but honestly, we plan on living in this house forever, so we can do that another day when we're retired/have more time/have more money for someone else to do it.
So our plan in this: We're going to tear down the ceiling, because there's no way around it. Parts of it are already falling down, you can't really spot repair it, it's ugly, and we need to move the lights. We're going to replace it with a similar method of covering, it will look like beadboard, but has the same acoustic benefits that the tile has. For the walls we are going to create a faux wainscot look by filling in the grooves of the existing paneling on the top 5 feet of the wall, leaving the grooves on the bottom, painting the top a saturated green, the bottom a glossy ivory, attaching a chair-rail and trim and ta da! We will have totally faked new walls! Hopefully it doesn't fail miserably and I have to pretend like this post never happened. The goal is to have to room set up and the stove here by Thanksgiving so that Jake and his dad can install it.
This is Jake's progress in tearing out the old brick wall.Here I am, filling the grooves in the sweet 70's paneling.

Ok, Ok

I've been informed (by an enviable blogger) that this is some kind of blog-posting month. Like, I'm supposed to post every day. Yeah, right. Considering that I've posted about three times in the last 5 months, I'm going to try to increase that slightly. I wouldn't want anyone to go through withdrawal when I forget to post for another couple of months.
So far this month has been eventful:
We realized, during one of the many torrential downpours, that we need a new roof, pronto.
(This is the front of the house before we did our re-landscaping. I'll have to put pictures of that next spring/summer, when things are blooming.)


Water was dripping from under a window frame that is 2 feet from the edge of the roof. While it did miraculously and curiously stop in the middle of the night, for no apparent reason, and with no other signs of water-entry, it's a bit disconcerting.
(It was dripping from one of the big windows in the back of the house.)



We've decided to get a metal roof, mostly because my husband has 2 cousins that used to put up metal buildings (like Morton) and assured us that it can be done in a couple of days. Right now we are picking out a color. We have it narrowed down to the safe choice: tudor brown, the daring choice: autumn red, and the middle-of-the-road choice: brandywine. I think we're going with the brandywine.
I could keep writing about the happenings of the recent past, or I could wait, and have something to write about next time (tomorrow? next week? January?)

Halloween

My 2 little ladybugs.
(Legit lady bugs, not Japanese beetles. Tough they are a bit pesty sometimes.)
This is a small portion of the candy that was actually amassed during the trick or treating experience. The kids sorted and divided the haul so that everyone got their favorites and everyone got close to the same amount.
These are all of the kids in our small group from church, which has basically morphed into a gourmet supper club and an excuse to share good beer.
Ben, on the far left, was the only one not fully participating in the sharing/sorting. I think he ended up with 1 1/2 times what the other kids did, but they didn't seem to care.

Jake is 30!

Jake turned 30 this year. We celebrated with a fantastic cheesecake. Unfortunately, this is the only picture that wasn't blurry, but you get the idea.
One of the many many things that I love about Jake is that he's always 2 years older than me, so I can regularly remark about how old he is.

Dear Saylers...

Ahhh. Summer has basically come and gone without any blogging. It has been, by far, THE most PERFECT summer, EVER! - only 1 or 2 weeks of 90+ degree days (7 of which I was gone for.) Here are some of the cute pics that I found right away. I have more, and maybe I'll post them.

You know that a kid is sleepy when she chooses to snuggle up with a water bottle on the kitchen floor.

2/3 of the McClure cousins.

Cleya turned 6! This is her snuggling up to her ladybug cake.

This is Lirah every morning. Her hair is always a little messed up.

This is Lirah's birds' nest. It was particularly awesome this day, so I took a picture of it.

Lake Michigan! We've taken 2 trips up North this year and are planning a 3rd. Cleya could live one the beach - it's the one place that she doesn't get bored.

Lirah was less impressed by the beach. She preferred to sit on the towel and eat sandy food. If she was to venture near the water, she had to be held.

And finally, this is Cleya and her snake, Snakey. He's been around since we moved here and our cat catches him occasionally. Cleya rescues him and snuggles him for a while before reluctantly setting him free until next time.

Our first stop was the rose test garden. Acres of beautiful roses.


The sun came out for a bit between rain showers.

This was one of the first things we saw when we drove out to the coast on the first day.

I told my little sister that I was going to tell everyone that that was her nose.

This is where we discovered just how cold it was. It was freezing, and beautiful.

That isn't mist in the background, it's blowing sand that was whipping across the beach.

When we were at the beachfront hotel, these rocks were in walking distance. I was so excited to have found real starfish that I ran back to the hotel to wake up my sister. 2 hours later we got down there to take these pictures. The tide was coming back in so there was a sense of potential emergency. The ocean was very cold.

This little starfish was just chillin'.

This is the rainforest, from the car. We didn't end up getting to any good area of Washington until around 7 so we didn't try to hike.

This was a beautiful mountain lake that we passed in Washington. It helped to increase Washington's ratings. The whole thing was a stunning color of turquoise blue.

On our last couple of days, the ocean looked angry. This is my sister explaining something about something. I'm sure it was really important.

Another picture of the angry ocean. We didn't take any pictures of the delicious food we had. That's a shame because it was fantastic. We had a great trip. It was nice to be somewhere different and see such amazing, beautiful things. And my sister and I are not only still speaking, but agreed that we'd do it again next year.

Well, we didn't end up going to Montana. We intended to go hiking in Port Angeles, but it was raining. We ended up driving all of the way down to where we had been 2 nights before. We toured all of Washington in 2 days!
We spent the next 2 days milling around tourist towns, in and out of little shops. We also ate more excellent food, including a giant strawberry shortcake and a marionberry tart. We have had some of the best food and by far the most seafood on this trip.
We're headed home tomorrow. Our flight leaves at 6:30, so we have to wake up around 4:30. I've become rather acclimated to this time zone, so I'm not looking forward to the early morning.
We should be home by 7pm. I can't wait to see my family and get some pictures onto the computer!

Right now I'm sitting in a hotel lobby to type. It's about 7:45, which is what time I thought it was when I got up. Never trust the room clocks.
We are at the Northern-most point of our trip. I didn't intend to be here so soon, but we ended up driving through 1/4 of Oregon and the whole state of Washington yesterday. Washington was kind of a disappointment, to say the least. It's basically like Southern Illinois with evergreens and the occasional mountain. It's very overgrown, so even when you're right next to the ocean, there's about 50-100 yards of solid growth blocking your view. I was used to Oregon, so I was a little bitter. So I just kept driving. The second half of the drive was actually pretty nice. We came upon a beautiful mountain lake and have seen some good rainforest.
Today we have some big decisions to make. We could work our way down to Seattle, hike some mountains (my sister is pretty mobile now), and see where we end up. Or we could high tail it across the state to Montana, because honestly, it's only 9 1/2 hours away. Why not?

I think that the time change is making my sister feel pretty triumphant. Today she woke up at 7:15 after going to bed around 9:30, just like civilized people in the Midwest!
Yesterday we had a very touristy day. We went to the rose test gardens, which were beautiful and very fragrant. I'll have to post pictures when we get home.
Afterwards we attempted to find Chinatown, which we eventually did. We had lunch and then navigated our way out of the city. Portland driving is kind of scary: their roads are seemingly made of rocks with some asphalt mixed in, so they're very loud; there's lots of traffic; there are some pretty scary bridges. But I have my trusty navigator with me, so we made it around ok.
We headed to the coast and after an excessive amount of mountains we finally got there. We did find a French cheese shop that had brie samples. We ended up doubling back and getting some peppered brie and a baguette for supper. In addition to the cherries we picked up it was very tasty!
Today, since we are getting an early start, we have endless possibilities. We'll probably head South and start driving up the coast.
I have to keep reminding myself that it's only Monday and we have 5 full days left. There's no hurry.

Right now it's the early morning here in Vancouver, Washington (not Canada, which I hear is beautiful.) I've been up since 5:45, which is 7:45 central time, which is actually really sleeping in for me. My little sister, my travel companion, is still asleep. It's about 7:30. I've gotten coffee and taken a bath so far. Now I'm typing on my sister's old laptop that has the 'o' and 'i' keys missing. It's amazing how you take those letters for granted until you have to press little gummy circles very hard to activate them!
Today we are going to explore Portland, which I am told is a great city. It's very cool here, only the low 60's. Apparently, that's about 10 degrees cooler than usual. I'm already dreading going back to St. Louis where is was 98 degrees with 98% humidity. I was actually cold last night when we went to dinner. Speaking of which, it was fantastic. We ate at a fish house that was pretty popular looking, like there might be one in every big city. But it was very tasty. I got rainbow trout and my sister got coconut prawns. We wondered what the difference between prawns and shrimp is because they were referred to separately on the menu. (I'll let you know if I find out.) Then we visited Trader Joe's because honestly, neither one of us had ever been to one. We got a few toiletries at the Dollar Tree that we dared not take on the plane like mousse, tweezers, and razors. (I got harassed for taking baggies of lotion and Solarcaine on the plane.) By then it was 9, which is 11 central time. I was exhausted and crashed before my sister was done typing her blog entry. Our hotel has very nice beds and is generally more upscale than I usually stay in. We have one more night here before we head out into the great unknown, armed with a crappy laptop. I will (try) to keep you posted.

My mom has been taking my kids 4 days a week for 3 hours each day. It has revolutionized my life. I am eternally grateful. Even if she decided tomorrow that she was done, I would never forget the changes in myself that have come forth during this experience. Here are a few that I can think of:
1. I actually like my life.
2. I feel good about life and myself, so much so that I try to not wear pajamas when it is not appropriate.
3. I want to listen to music. I turn on the internet radio at home all the time.
4. I don't sit around watching TV all the time, trying to tune out the kids. I haven't actually watched TV in a month.
5. I look forward to my husband coming home, instead of equating it with another person vying for my attention.
6. I actually want to hang out with him instead of co-exist with him.
7. I'm actively searching for something to do with myself - something productive.
8. I've taken up gardening and landscaping the yard.
9. Even though I (remarkably) have not acquired more patience for the kids, I do enjoy them so much more.
10. I feel like myself, the me that I honestly have not felt like for the last 6 years.
Did I mention that I'm enjoying life again?
Thanks Mom!

Going East

What can I say? I was not born to blog...

It's been about a month now, but the memories are still fresh... These two are basically the reason that we have friends. When I was pregnant with the big one our college friends had just had their big one so we latched on pretty hard to eachother. In a small town, at a Christian college, there are few couples having kids, so the similar lives and experiences were a welcomed support.

Our trip was dreamed up when my friend wrote something on Facebook about us coming out East, though it was surely a joke. It inspired me to check ticket prices and though they are usually $400-$500 I found a way to use flexible dates and found tickets for only $117! We had to fly out of St. Louis (a 3 hour drive) and into Hartford (a 2 hour drive from their home) totalling 12 hours of travel each day. But the big one was on Spring Break and I didn't have any plans that I couldn't change, so we packed up. The girls were going on Spring Break!

But it was certainly not the kind of Spring Break that inspires legends, it was a little too cold for that!

We did spend a day at the beautiful beach.

We toured Providence and ate Dunkin' Donuts.

The little one learned some important skills that only little boys can teach.

We taunted our seafood before enjoying it in a coastal feast.

And in the end we came back a little weary but a lot cooler, just from having visited the East Coast.