There is a lesson that I find myself reiterating to my kids. It is "the only person you can control is yourself." I'm usually offering this as direction/consolement to my older daughter as she desperately tries to direct the little one to do her will. It's a sort of relief to know that you are only, truly responsible for controlling yourself. But, it also proves difficult when you realize just how hard it is to do so.

I have been taking early morning walks for about 5 weeks and it has become my favorite part of the day. It's a time when I can rest in the promise of at least 30 minutes of solitude. I take the opportunity to pray, reflect, and be at peace with my life and the upcoming day. In fact, I often repeat "I am, at peace" with the rhythm of my breath.

There is an area of my walk where I descend down a hill about 2 blocks then turn and ascend the other side. I have found that during the descent I inevitably start thinking negatively. I'm not sure why this is. I do think of this part of the walk as the darkest, but otherwise there is no negative connotations. But for the past 5 days I have noticed that I will start to have negative, stressful thoughts. My breathing will tighten and when I pause my thinking to reconnect with my breathing, I see that I am heading down hill, both literally and figuratively.

I realized today that much of these negative thoughts are based around my interactions with other people. Particularly, how I want these interactions to be different. As I was walking up this hill I realized that the only thing that I can really do is control the way that I feel. I can't make someone else act according to my sensitivities, but I can practice not being offended. I can't make someone else not talk about things that bother me, but I can work on being supportive and moving the conversation along. I can't control anyone except myself. It's not easy and it's not comfortable to go into life knowing that little or no control over anything besides the way you think, feel, and most importantly, respond. But this is a goal - to be more aware of my own reactions and feeling and strive to control those instead of avoiding situations that I am uncomfortable in.