Dairy Diary part II (or so)

Last year on Valentine's Day I ate too much chocolate. I had just had the little one less than a month before and was taking the opportunity to drown my sorrows of being a new mom (for the second time) in the mass of chocolate we had acquired from the holiday. The little one, on the other hand, was taking that opportunity to become overly sensitive and in essence ruin my life (for a short time.) Her little hardened belly and resulting anger (that persisted for the next year) turned my otherwise care-free life upside down. I had to give up dairy, as I'm sure you all know because I talked about it constantly for a year.

More monumental than the simple act of giving up my most beloved and predominant food group was the fact that my whole attitude towards food changed. It's amazing what guilt can do, especially when the result of one's sin is a pained and angry baby. Stress and sadness found refuge in non-dairy substitutions. Exhaustion was relieved by unprecedented amounts of peanut butter. The point is that I developed a completely unhealthy and emotionally charged relationship with food. Ultimately, I couldn't have what I really wanted and what I really wanted hurt my baby. It sucked.

Luckily, the little one's sensitivities are gone and I have been journeying along the long road to 'recovery.' I've been working fairly diligently at normalizing food again, relearning the true pleasures of it, and figuring out what is really important to me. I've read books about several other experiences and I'm feeling like I have gained new insights and tools. Unfortunately, I fear that this will never fully be resolved. In times of higher stress (like when my in-laws visit) I find comfort in mindless eating. I hope that at some point I won't reach for food when I'm sad or bored or uncomfortable.

Ultimately, I hope that my girls will develop great relationships with food and not fall into unhealthy patterns. It's scary to think about the possibilities that lurk around our society. I hope that I can model normalcy and I hope that I can pass onto them the true pleasure that I am learning to find in good food.