Today my older sister has offered to watch the kids so that I can escape for some time alone. I was telling my husband about this and how when I have these opportunities I ultimately feel like they get wasted. (Not that kind of wasted, Kalin.) When I get in the car alone it feels empty. It's nice to drive without playing the color game, but it's a shock to not have ideas siphoned into my head by a 4 year old. Space is the thing that I really want, but I'm so out of practice that it feels lonely in a whole different way. I think that this is the great paradox of motherhood.
On my journey out I am going shopping for pants. For the last year I have been buying clothes that I assumed would fit at a future time thinking, "surely these will be awesome in a couple of months when I can fit them." (I speculated that while nursing and running I would return to my pre-pregnancy size quickly like I had with my first daughter.) So for the past 6 months I have had very little to wear that actually fits me and lots of clothes that "I'll be able to fit soon." But soon has not been soon and may never be. Yesterday I had to venture up to the attic to dig out old maternity jeans. That is when I decided that I need to go shopping. With my husband earning lots of money working all day I will set out with debit card in hand and build me a wardrobe for me now.
2 comments:
Ha! Well said - about the pants and life. I did that pants thing for a decade then finally thought, crap, I may as well just buy more now and then and give the non-fitting ones to my sistah! OR its an awesome tax write-off and somehow satisfying to not have those size smallers hanging there looking at you with vindictive eyes (or buttonholes). And you look amazing - so dont let the OCD creep in with nonsense on that front.
And I think carving out 'your' time when you can listen to your music long and watch a show you want to or go running or scan the internet can feel like it is yours regardless of who is around. That whole 'space' concept, I find myself invoking a lot.
Anyway - love you!
Yeah. What she said.
Happy birthday, Lil.
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