I fully realize that I am in the worst of it. I'm at home with 2 young kids and my husband is working 12 hours a day for 7 days a week. It's temporary, but it still sucks.
It amazes me how, as a mother, I am never alone. Even if (by the grace of God) I am not physically with another human being, my children are always with me. There are the obvious blessings of this, but that's not what I'm here to talk about right now. I don't know how people can choose to be with children all day. They demand so much mental space and yet there is so little satisfying interaction. Days are spent monitoring, mediating, serving, fixing, supporting. There is no time to tend to myself - not in the showering, eating, and sleeping way, but the emotional and spiritual way. I have nothing to do all day, but I have no time to do anything that I really want to. It wears me down until I become an angry and loathing mother. I don't know how to be a loving, engaging, supportive parent when I'm "on" all the time. This is why God did not make humans asexual. If we could create children without any help then we would have to care for them without any help and the human race would probably have ended a long time ago.
2 comments:
I love you, Lil. Hang in there. And come visit anytime.
What up homegirl?
Let me say 1 - I concur. 2 - you are amazing. 3 - is some additional day care an option? 4 - can I babysit for you tomorrow (SUNDAY JAN 20) so you can go out and about? (Old Navy is having an incredible sale.) 5 - I am totally pumped to 'hang out' but as we are 'of the same cloth' I think being alone while I am with your kiddo may be more restorative than funtime with rissy. Let me know. Plus you are brilliant and I am excited about your blogging. Insight into the inner world of Lil.
LOVE YOU.
roo
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